You snort when you laugh,
air escaping too fast
to part your lips in a grin
so instead
it escapes through your nose,
in awkwardness, genuinity, and joy,
paired with a humored grimacing.
I wish I could bottle up that feeling,
however fleeting,
in a golden vial of intricacy
untapped, un-insecure, void of worry,
happy,
so when this crushing weight in my chest
pulls my lungs to the floor
with so much force
they burst
and I can’t breathe
that golden vial of happy memories
can mend everything
stitch by stitch,
seamlessly,
until I can’t tell there's worry.
Just memories of being happy:
Like 11 p.m.
taking photos of the stars,
city lights on the water,
the soft hum of cars,
plodding down the doc
as far as we dared,
afraid for someone to catch us,
jumpy and unprepared
Spoiler Alert: it was public access.
but still, the exhilarant feeling kept a grin plastered
on my face as we drove home in the dark
In December, we talked until 1:09
the oven’s sticklike green figures reflecting the time
as candy cane remnants boiled on the brownies
and distraction made the edges just a little too crispy
In February,
midst of that gray dull,
after Valentine’s reds
but before
the sun paints the skies with brilliant blues,
the rain coats the world in sparkling hues
I shockingly love this weather
I’ll watch raindrops race down the windows forever
like a child cheering their favorite one on
I’ll watch as they form constellations of stars
Fast forward and I’m screaming in my car
on the first sunny day in March
the cherry blossoms have begun to start
blooming
my excitement is overwhelming
we’re wearing sunglasses and stockpiles of shorts
it’s barely even 64
but we insist that we aren’t cold
because we’ve finically grabbed a hold
of a bit of sun
It feels like joy
I wish I could grab hold
of that feeling
how giggling makes my heart sing,
and when I’m writing poetry
on the bedroom floor,
people watching in the airport,
drinking hot spiced chai when it’s cold
and at night
driving fast
with music on blast,
it rattles my bones through the stereo
we’re laughing so hard my face hurts.
Happiness exists
in moments like this
even when it doesn’t feel like it.
You never know what the future holds
the jokes,
the people,
the laughs,
the joy,
In an intricate vial of sparkling gold
are all of these stories told
I'll chug it when this weight in my chest
finally falls to the floor and
I can’t breathe
these memories
of being happy and laughing
will mend my worries
stitch by stitch
‘till there's nothing left
but joy
like how when you laugh too hard you snort.